my seed projects

These musings, reflected the flow of any given day. He knew beyond the shadow of any doubt that this change was “good stuff.” The reactivity that memories such as this one represented were the conditioned response from so long ago when he was powerless, at the mercy of insane whims of others, others whom he depended upon. His life was not his own. Strange, how the unmanageability that lurked in his subprocessor from events of a long forgotten past surfaced when adult decisions with adult consequences triggered these very human creature responses. He learned in the fellowship though, that the expression of powerlessness and unmanageability in his now adult world of today could be attended to differently from the conditioned ways of his past, ways that allowed memories such as this to emotionally express frequencies he had blocked and stuffed back then, expression of emotions he as such a small man chose to stuff and deny because expression only caused more pain, more suffering. The experience of today, new and fresh, as it was represented opportunity. Change was the opportunity. That change, reflected in synchronicity, in surrender to something greater than himself, held the promise itself. “Are you the vehicle of the consciousness, or are you the Consciousness?” (Joseph Campbell) The change was in the reflection. The change was in recognizing that the choices made by such a little man, from so long ago, the choices that led to hiding from himself so long ago, the choices that led to lies he told himself about himself so long ago, the secrets he told himself he had to keep so he could survive so long ago were no longer valid or a necessary reaction to choices he was making today, as an adult. The change was in acceptance and embrace, no longer in shame and blame. The change was in asking, inviting really, these very memories that still twisted the Solar Plexus to have the courage to feel the pain, that very pain that was stuffed and denied, imprisoned so long ago. The change was in asking, inviting really, these memories to join him, the adult him, in acceptance and embrace. The change was in asking, inviting really, those frequencies that held frozen, stuffed, denied emotional memory to have the courage to let come to the surface, to thaw out, to unpack, and to recognize, embrace and accept the emotional memory just as the emotion it was, just as the emotion it still is. He found himself on a journey of rediscovery. What he began to recognize was he needed to name the emotion that the twisting in the Solar Plexus represented. Giving that fractured piece of his past a name validated that unexpressed emotional memory experience from so long ago. Recognition dawned for him. By naming his pain, he was validating his self identity, his self worth, his self image. He was reclaiming the frozen, stuffed, denied emotional memories through acceptance and embrace.